yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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