So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
