DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
