Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
