hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
