I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
