My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
