bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
