If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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