Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
