i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.