I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
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the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
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he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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