i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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