I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
