im drinking this country out of the recession.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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