I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
