he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
