they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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