Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
