i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
