Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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