So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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