i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize