I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
