So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
