1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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