Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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