Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
