Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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