They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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