I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
