remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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