Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't deserve a penis
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
