He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
