I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Randomize
