OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
