Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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