He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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