Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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