she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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