There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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