Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
