I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
