Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
