I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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