Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
