i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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