ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
