Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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