Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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