Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
