My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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