He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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