Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
