What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
