I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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