I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
