VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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