I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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