I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize