can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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