if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
