Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
