someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
