Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Why is your signature on my underwear?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
